jasoncrane.org

Here’s a 94-year-old writer who started in the union back when he was writing for radio. (He worked on the classic Life of Riley show, among others.) This cat is hip, man!

Here’s a video that was put together by the WGA to help explain why the writers are on strike. After you watch it, you’ll probably want to read this short Q&A at Mark Evanier’s site.

If you’ve ever seen a press conference by Steve Jobs or George Bush…

One reviewer thinks it may be.

The Daily Show exposes the idiocy of Senator Ted Stevens, particularly his ignorance about the Internet … which he is in charge of regulating:

And then John Hodgeman skewers him again:

Finally, once you’ve watched those, there’s this.

In 2000, I worked for Nikkei News Bulletin in Manhattan as a copy editor. It mostly sucked, but I rediscovered one bright spot while looking through my hard drive tonight. Here are two ads I wrote for a product line I was envisioning called People’s Republic of Food:

V.I. Lenin’s Russian Dressing
First TV Ad

SCENE: Camera enters room through doorway. In room we see a John Lennon look-alike with his back to the camera. He is seated, playing a grand piano. Lennon’s song “Imagine” plays on the soundtrack. Camera slowly closes in on man.

VOICE-OVER: Years ago, a great man told us to imagine a different world.

Song continues. Camera continues to move toward pianist.

VOICE-OVER: A world of choices. … A world of freedom.

Song continues, as does camera’s slow forward movement.

VOICE-OVER: He was a great man, and his name was Lennon.

Camera speeds up, shoots over man’s shoulder to show jar of V.I. Lenin’s Russian Dressing sitting next to a salad or sandwich. Sound of needle scratching on turntable, song stops as voice says…

VOICE: No, not that Lennon, V.I. Lenin.

Pianist’s hands open bottle of dressing, which he pours on salad/sandwich.

VOICE: V.I. Lenin’s Russian Dressing. From the People’s Republic of Food. Join The Taste Revolution.

Chairman Mayo
First TV Ad

THE SCENE: A group of people marching along a nondescript road on an overcast day. Gloomy martial music plays in the background.

VOICE-OVER: For years, people all over the world have been caught in the steel grip of two industry titans. They eat the same things every day in a world without choice.

Close-up of people in the crowd eating sandwiches with looks of distaste.

VOICE-OVER: But a revolution is beginning. A revolution in taste, and in the way people make something that none of us can live without…

Music swells slowly as camera pans in on face of man and woman in front of crowd. A shaft of light hits their faces and brightens as they look up. Camera pans to horizon, where sun is rising.

VOICE-OVER: Something you never think about, but that millions of people use every day…

Sun rises fully in the sky. Jar of mayonnaise appears in center. Music becomes triumphant.

VOICE-OVER: Mayonnaise.

Chairman Mao’s face appears on label. Cut back to shot of man and woman as smiles break over their sun-bathed faces. Then back to jar.

VOICE-OVER: Chairman Mayo. The new spread from The People’s Republic of Food. Join the taste revolution.

Yesterday at the WHEC studios, I came face to face — literally — with my new status as the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. They say the camera adds 10 pounds, but I wasn’t prepared for the full reality.

My interview took place on a small set on the side of the main soundstage — two chairs, a fake bookshelf and plant. The disconcerting part of it was that when you looked at the camera, you were also looking at a monitor under it. Holy canoli, Batman. I’m huge!

When Jen and I got married, I weighed about 155 or 160. That was 10 years ago. I now weigh about 195 or so. That’s right, dear reader, 40 pounds in 10 years. Add a few ounces from the TV, and it looked like the anchor was interviewing Dom DeLuise.

The real horror was yet to come, though. When I got home, I watched the show on tape. May I just say that it was the most terrifying experience of the week?

But as the old saw goes, when life gives you lemons, make hay while the bird is in the hand. I had a vague plan to diet and excercise, but yesterday’s TV gig has scared the bejeezus out of me. It’s time to get serious about taking off several million pounds. I’ll keep you posted.

If you have a time machine, you can watch me earlier today on News10 NBC here in Rochester, talking about the Whitman event.

If you have a radio or computer, you can hear me tomorrow (Wednesday) at 3:30 p.m. on Jack Mindy’s show on Jazz90.1. The station is at 90.1 FM, or on the Internet.