Straight people support LGBTQ rights, too

From Stonewall Celebrates As Marriage Equality Passes – June 24, 2011

I support equal rights for all members of the LGBTQ community. And, as it turns out, I’m straight.

I say that because I’ve already been tagged as gay by many acquaintances and strangers who seem to think that only LGBTQ (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer) people can support and advocate for LGBTQ issues. I’m certainly not worried about being mistaken for gay. In fact, emphasizing that I’m straight makes me a bit uncomfortable. But for the purposes of the point I’m about to make, it’s necessary.

Back in the early 90s, I had a good friend who came out as a lesbian. She was the first openly gay person I knew and, because she was (and still is) very important to me, I became very open about my support for LGBTQ issues. In addition to being vocal, I often wore a triangle necklace and had a bunch of LGBTQ stickers on my car … eventually leading to its windows being smashed in a Tucson parking lot on Christmas Eve in 1995.

Later on, I was a stay-at-home dad for a year and I took care of my son and also the daughter of a lesbian couple. I normally don’t think of them as a “lesbian couple,” but I’m identifying them that way for the purposes of this essay. In that same town, I befriended another Lesbian Couple (TM) both through our shared anti-war activism and a passion for cycling. All these folks are some of my favorite people in the world and I was thinking of all of them when I was dancing outside Stonewall on the night that the marriage equality bill passed here in New York State.

From Stonewall Celebrates As Marriage Equality Passes – June 24, 2011

Along with everyone else, I was live-tweeting from Stonewall during the big celebration, and several people on Twitter and Facebook congratulated me using language that made it clear they thought I was gay. As things quieted down a bit at Stonewall, I went to the Undead Jazz Festival wearing my “Legalize Gay” shirt. Several people again congratulated me in a way that made their perceptions clear. I didn’t correct anyone, nor did I use it as a moment to say, “I’m straight, but you’re right, it’s a great victory for everyone, straight or gay.”

The other night I was at Tanglewood in Lenox, Massachusetts, wearing an “I heart NY” shirt (above, with my cousin Lynne) which I had altered by drawing an equal sign in the heart. During the evening a woman who self-identified as a lesbian saw my shirt and we had a lovely chat about the passage of the law and what it means for the future. At the end, she gave me a high-five and said “Yay for us!” Again, I didn’t say anything about being straight.

There are two reasons why I don’t mention my sexual orientation in such situations. One reason is just the social awkwardness of sharing a moment like that with someone and then saying something that would seem to make the moment a bit less shared.

The other reason is that I don’t want to be seen as afraid or ashamed of being identified as gay. I often think that if I said “I’m straight” in those situations it would make it seem like I was trying to distance myself from the LGBTQ community. “Hey, I support the issues, but I’m a heterosexual!”

A friend recently pointed out that it was sad that some people assume that only LGBTQ people support LGBTQ issues. I agree. These issues have been central to my life for more than two decades, and I’m proud to be a vocal supporter. (And by the way, I’m no hero. Many activists have done far more than me to bring these issues to the public arena.) And while I’m a bit hesitant to say that LGBTQ rights are the civil rights struggle of our era — because I think there are other civil rights struggles that need fighting, too — I certainly think the fight for LGBTQ rights is one of our major civil rights battlegrounds. I want to be able to tell my kids that I stood up to be counted on this issue.

So yes, I’m straight and I’m a supporter of LGBTQ rights. And I hope you’re a supporter, too.