Lessons from a first-time jogger

Tonight I started jogging using one of the many couch-to-5K apps available for spacephones. Here’s what I learned:

• My goal was to survive. I achieved my goal.
• I covered 2.14 miles at 14 minutes per mile. That’s 4 times faster than this and half as fast as this, according to this site.
• My phone is sentient. The first song it randomly played as I began jogging: “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” by R.E.M.
• A decent pair of shoes makes all the difference. I tried jogging a few years ago in Chuck Taylors, which were about as comfortable as jogging in geta. They killed my knees. Running shoes feel a lot better. (You’re welcome.)
• I could have picked a better town to start jogging in than Bellefonte, PA, which is topographically similar to San Francisco.
• My face, which is red even when I’m asleep, turns a color when I jog that alarms elderly women siting on stoops.
• Hills. Sweet weeping Jesus. Hills.