Skip to content →

Category: Random Musings

The fight against ignorance

Physics professor Lawrence Krauss has good things to say in this New York Times essay about creationist developments in Kansas. (You may need to register to read this article.)

Comments closed

Lenny Bruce, American genius

Comedian Lenny Bruce died 40 years ago today of a drug overdose. He was a true comedic genius and social satirist. If you’re looking for a good overview of his work, and you don’t mind parting with a few bucks, allow me to recommend:

Comments closed

Net neutrality (Daily Show style)

The Daily Show exposes the idiocy of Senator Ted Stevens, particularly his ignorance about the Internet … which he is in charge of regulating:

And then John Hodgeman skewers him again:

Finally, once you’ve watched those, there’s this.

Comments closed

The first Bush

Bush_saudi_arabia.jpg

My good friend Kevin Baird is a composer, computer code writer, geek, and all-around hip guy. About a decade ago, he used a speech by George H.W. Bush on the eve of the Gulf War to create a wonderful audio piece called “Just Two Hours Ago.” I came across the audio of the original speech recently, and I asked Kevin if I could post his version on the site. He agreed, so here you go:

Comments closed

People’s Republic of Food

In 2000, I worked for Nikkei News Bulletin in Manhattan as a copy editor. It mostly sucked, but I rediscovered one bright spot while looking through my hard drive tonight. Here are two ads I wrote for a product line I was envisioning called People’s Republic of Food:

V.I. Lenin’s Russian Dressing
First TV Ad

SCENE: Camera enters room through doorway. In room we see a John Lennon look-alike with his back to the camera. He is seated, playing a grand piano. Lennon’s song “Imagine” plays on the soundtrack. Camera slowly closes in on man.

VOICE-OVER: Years ago, a great man told us to imagine a different world.

Song continues. Camera continues to move toward pianist.

VOICE-OVER: A world of choices. … A world of freedom.

Song continues, as does camera’s slow forward movement.

VOICE-OVER: He was a great man, and his name was Lennon.

Camera speeds up, shoots over man’s shoulder to show jar of V.I. Lenin’s Russian Dressing sitting next to a salad or sandwich. Sound of needle scratching on turntable, song stops as voice says…

VOICE: No, not that Lennon, V.I. Lenin.

Pianist’s hands open bottle of dressing, which he pours on salad/sandwich.

VOICE: V.I. Lenin’s Russian Dressing. From the People’s Republic of Food. Join The Taste Revolution.

Chairman Mayo
First TV Ad

THE SCENE: A group of people marching along a nondescript road on an overcast day. Gloomy martial music plays in the background.

VOICE-OVER: For years, people all over the world have been caught in the steel grip of two industry titans. They eat the same things every day in a world without choice.

Close-up of people in the crowd eating sandwiches with looks of distaste.

VOICE-OVER: But a revolution is beginning. A revolution in taste, and in the way people make something that none of us can live without…

Music swells slowly as camera pans in on face of man and woman in front of crowd. A shaft of light hits their faces and brightens as they look up. Camera pans to horizon, where sun is rising.

VOICE-OVER: Something you never think about, but that millions of people use every day…

Sun rises fully in the sky. Jar of mayonnaise appears in center. Music becomes triumphant.

VOICE-OVER: Mayonnaise.

Chairman Mao’s face appears on label. Cut back to shot of man and woman as smiles break over their sun-bathed faces. Then back to jar.

VOICE-OVER: Chairman Mayo. The new spread from The People’s Republic of Food. Join the taste revolution.

Comments closed

Jacques Chirac, head-butter

What a difference a good copy editor makes. This New York Times story on the Zinedine Zidane head-butt incident contains a photo with the following caption:

As Italy celebrated, France wondered why Zinédine Zidane, with President Jacques Chirac, head-butted an opponent.

Unless the secret agents of a shady global conspiracy edited out the footage of Chirac joining Zidane in his whacking of Materazzi, I think that caption may need a little tinkering.

Comments closed

World Jump Day

I found a link to World Jump Day on my friend Josh Rutner’s site. The idea? To have everyone in certain parts of the world jump at the same time, thus altering Earth’s orbit and stopping global warming. It’ll also make the weather nicer.

Looks like Van Halen were right.

Comments closed

A lovely wedding … or so I was told

This past Sunday, my longest-suffering friend got married to his partner of 13 years. And they did it for that most American of reasons — health insurance.

Being the wonderful friend that I am, I agreed to do two things at the wedding: provide the music and host (and write) a trivia quiz for the guests.

The wedding was at 2 p.m. in Buffalo, an hour and change from our house in Rochester. We packed the kids and all the music gear into the car and headed to Ellicott Creek Park, arriving at about 1:40.

As we drove up to the building where the wedding would be held, Jen noticed the brother of the bride walking up the sidewalk. She also noticed people eating inside the building. We’d been told by the bride and groom that the ceremony would be short (under 3 minutes) and very informal, so we weren’t too suspicious. As the bride’s brother approached, Jen asked about the ceremony, and when it would take place.

“It was at noon,” he replied.

That’s right. The wedding of my friend of 19 years was at noon, and I arrived at 1:40. Within minutes of our arrival, 90% of the guests went home, leaving about 15 people. I couldn’t believe it.

Shall we say I was embarrassed? Yes, let’s say that. As it turned out, though, our late arrival was probably the best thing that could have happened. When the majority of the guests left, those who remained were all pretty good friends, several of whom also had small kids. Everybody had a fun time hanging out and chatting. The kids played. About 10 people did the trivia quiz. And a wonderful time was had by all. Congrats to Jenn and Kevin!

Comments closed

Wisdom from Walden

“As for the Pyramids, there is nothing to wonder at in them so much as the fact that so many men could be found degraded enough to spend their lives constructing a tomb for some ambitious booby, whom it would have been wiser and manlier to have drowned in the Nile, and then given his body to the dogs.” – from Walden by Henry David Thoreau

Comments closed

More about my TV appearance

Yesterday at the WHEC studios, I came face to face — literally — with my new status as the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. They say the camera adds 10 pounds, but I wasn’t prepared for the full reality.

My interview took place on a small set on the side of the main soundstage — two chairs, a fake bookshelf and plant. The disconcerting part of it was that when you looked at the camera, you were also looking at a monitor under it. Holy canoli, Batman. I’m huge!

When Jen and I got married, I weighed about 155 or 160. That was 10 years ago. I now weigh about 195 or so. That’s right, dear reader, 40 pounds in 10 years. Add a few ounces from the TV, and it looked like the anchor was interviewing Dom DeLuise.

The real horror was yet to come, though. When I got home, I watched the show on tape. May I just say that it was the most terrifying experience of the week?

But as the old saw goes, when life gives you lemons, make hay while the bird is in the hand. I had a vague plan to diet and excercise, but yesterday’s TV gig has scared the bejeezus out of me. It’s time to get serious about taking off several million pounds. I’ll keep you posted.

Comments closed

Musings on Douglas Adams and the Palm Pilot

I’ve been reading Douglas Adams’s book The Salmon Of Doubt (Amazon.com), in which he’s pretty effusive about his passion for technology. That’s got me jazzed about tecnology, too, so I’m writing this entry on my Palm. My only problem with this little gadget is that its Wi-Fi is shot, which renders it a lot less cool than it was. Getting it fixed sounds like the obvius solution — but that means being without my calendar and contacts for however long the repair takes. In a job like mine, that’s like being without my brain. Maybe a better way to say that is that with a brain like mine, losing this little zappy is like giving myself a lobotomy.

I really love Douglas Adams. When I was in high school — or maybe junior high — in the 80’s, I discovered the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy books. Around that same time, my friend Steve Davis leant me a cassette tape of the HHGTTG radio series. In fact, this series of tapes has now become like the Holy Grail. The history of HHGTTG in all its forms is hard to trace — from radio to books to LPs to TV to CDs to a movie to radio again. Or something like that. Anyway, somewhere in there they re-recorded the radio series. I think they did that to switch some bits so’d they’d be more like the book. I’m still not sure whether they redid the whole serires or just parts of it, but I think that first version I heard on cassette as a teenager is still the funniest version. I guess there’s nothing for it but to check on eBay. Maybe that’s an appropriately futuristic way to find something by Douglas Adams.

Comments closed

Amtrak – still around, still worth it

I’m writing this post from my cousin Lynne’s house in Albany, NY. Jen and the boys and I came here yesterday on the Maple Leaf — an Amtrak train that runs from Toronto to NYC. Round-trip tickets for all four of us (John was free), cost about $130. And let me tell you, it was worth every penny.

Jason and Bernie on a train

The trip from Rochester to Albany took about 4 1/2 hours, just a bit longer than it takes in a car if you don’t stop. The big difference, though, was in the whole vibe of the trip. It was really family friendly — a roomy train with lots of space that allowed all of us to move around, cuddle, and talk to one another. If you’re traveling with a baby, you can’t beat it. John fell asleep at about 1 p.m. (an hour before we got on the train), and didn’t wake up until my cousin picked us up at the Albany station. Not bad at all.

Bernie was so excited he could hardly stand it. He loves his cousins Jack and Grace, so the whole concept of the trip was thrilling. Add the train on top of that, and you’ve got one very happy boy!

Train travel in the U.S. is certainly way behind train travel in Japan, unless you live in the NYC-Boston corridor. But it’s out there, and worth a little investigation if you’re thinking of taking a trip. Leave the driving to someone else, and stretch out with a book as you glide down the tracks. It’s a heck of a way to travel.

Comments closed