poet, interviewer, musician, traveler
Carrying A Pencil
“I got me an Altoids can
and one of these pencil sharpeners here
German pencil sharpeners
M&R
and these are great,
little $8, heavy, brass pencil sharpener
and I would carry these daily
that’s a lot
then I finally wised up
and went with the mechanical pencil here.”
/ / /
24 March 2025
Charlottesville VA
From this video by Coty Black
Sane people did what their neighbors did, so that if any lunatics were at large, one might know and avoid them.
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One can begin so many things with a new person! – even begin to be a better man.
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If we had a keen vision and feeling of all ordinary human life, it would be like the hearing of grass grow and the squirrel’s heart beat, and we should die of that roar which lies on the other side of silence.
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Young Mr Ladislaw was not at all deep himself in German writers; but very little achievement is required in order to pity another man’s shortcomings.
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To be a poet is to have a soul so quick to discern, that no shade of quality escapes it, and so quick to feel, that discernment is but a hand playing with finely ordered variety on the chords of emotion – a soul in which knowledge passes instantaneously into feeling, and feeling flashes back as a new organ of knowledge. One may have that condition by fits only.
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‘The theatre of all my actions is fallen,’ said an antique personage when his chief friend was dead; and they are fortunate who get a theatre where the audience demands their best.
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“What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult to each other?”
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(And also this one.)
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I finished Middlemarch this morning. Here’s the final paragraph (I don’t think this is a spoiler, but if you’re spoilerphobic you can just skip to my thoughts afterward):
Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.
I can’t say whether this last paragraph carries the same weight without the 840 pages before it, but it made me cry. I think a lot about whether I’m having any effect on the world around me, and whether my actions will remembered or even noticed. This paragraph suggests that we influence people around us in ways we often can’t see, and the association of those effects with our name is much less important than the pure fact that they happen. To do the work of living well – meaning to be a positive force in whatever part of the world we happen to inhabit – is the point. It is all that is worth aspiring to.
Leave a CommentButtered Toast
for Denise
I eat buttered toast
and think of my aunt
who is actually my cousin,
who almost certainly
wouldn’t know me
if she saw me today,
not because I’ve changed –
though I have –
but because her mind
has exchanged the present
for the hazy glow of the past,
where we all sit
around the dining room table
while the future
stretches out forever,
golden.
/ / /
22 March 2025
Charlottesville VA
The Process Of Warping Prevention
Hammer in
the warp stopper.
Over the years of use
this will prevent the object
from bowing
under the weight of the world.
Make sure it has
just enough grog
to give it tooth.
It’s not necessary
to know what that means
as long as you’re
careful to do it.
At 12,500 feet
below sea level
your lungs will collapse,
so stay out
of the deep end.
The two white women
want to take a cruise.
The two black men
have no place to hang out.
/ / /
21 March 2025
Charlottesville VA
Glass House
There’s an upside-down house
in the pond outside the cafe.
A squad of geese in tight formation
fly over (under?) it then
disappear beyond leafless trees.
The glass-smooth pond waits
for the return of its winged tenants.
Spring has called them north,
back across the imaginary border
recognized only by us,
discomfited as we are
by the idea of freedom.
/ / /
15 March 2025
Ruckersville VA
Turns Out I’m Not Famous
I’m waiting to talk to another musician,
here at the lowest level of radio.
How many times have I done this?
Two thousand? Three thousand?
I used to think I’d be on the other end,
part of some arena-filling band
that all the DJs wanted to talk to.
It hasn’t worked out that way,
and other than the blues guys
who were rediscovered
by eager white record collectors,
not that many musicians start
a successful career in their 50s.
I’m more of the eager white type
than the neglected blues legend type,
so I guess I’ll keep my day job,
waiting here for another interview
with another rock musician.
/ / /
12 March 2025
Charlottesville VA
Stephanie and I have been engaged in trying to reclaim some of our lives from the major corporate oligarchs of our age. It hasn’t been easy but it has been rewarding. I’ve made a number of changes, including:
I switched to Proton Mail, which offers end-to-end encryption with a focus on privacy. It can be free, but I got a paid version that comes with a bunch of other stuff. And because it costs money, that’s what I give Proton rather than access to my data, which is what free services like Gmail and others get in return for my use of their platforms. I’ve had my own email addresses for years, and it was easy to fold those into Proton Mail, too. And I have a bunch of them, which is part of why I paid for the upgraded Proton service.
STORAGE
I downloaded all my data from Google Photos, Drive, Keep and elsewhere (via https://takeout.google.com), and moved it all onto a hard drive. I then deleted all that data from Google. Proton offers a Drive feature of its own, again with a focus on privacy and encryption. I’m backing up my photos there, and also using it when I need to share files. And then I’ll keep local copies of those files on an external drive. As for sharing photos, I’m doing that more with messages to people, although I am making limited use of social media. (See below.)
CAMERA
I have a Google Pixel phone, which means all the standard apps on it are from Google and all are tracked and data-mined. I installed a different camera app on my phone because there was no way to stop Google from capturing those photos using its native camera app. Now I can back up those photos using Proton.
PASSWORD MANAGER
I’ve used Dashlane as a password manager for years, but since the Proton suite came with Proton Pass, I switched. It offers all the usual password manager services, plus some nice extras like the creation of email aliases, which make it easy to sign up for websites and newsletters using a fake email, and then to know which particular website or newsletter sold your data if one of those fake emails starts receiving spam. Proton Pass integrates with Firefox and works well on my phone, too.
BROWSER
This wasn’t a change for me, just something I wanted to mention. I’ve been using Firefox for years because of its privacy protections. I also use the Tor browser when privacy and anonymity are paramount. But I use Firefox in my everyday life. It’s oodles better than Edge or Chrome or Safari in terms of data protection and tracking. And I’ve added extensions that make it even more secure.
MESSAGING
I’ve been using Signal for a long time, but recently I’ve started asking everyone with whom I regularly text to switch. (Find me on Signal here.) I don’t know what’s coming next in our current dystopia, but it sure seems worth it to have security in messaging, even if what you’re sending seems innocuous. Signal is free and secure and it’s just as easy to use as whatever messaging app you’re using now. And yes, it’s more secure than WhatsApp. It’s also great if you have friends outside the US with whom you regularly chat. You can make audio and video calls via Signal, share photos and files, and create group chats. You should just assume that every message you send that isn’t on Signal is being read by someone other than the recipient, because that’s the amount of security provided by Android and iOs.
SOCIAL MEDIA
Yes, the ubiquitous and insidious and useful and awful bane of our collective existence. I’ve greatly curtailed my use of social media, and when I do post I either do it via a third-party app or via my browser, because I’ve removed the apps from my phone. I’ve installed a Firefox extension called SocialFocus to limit my time on the apps in the browser and also to limit what I’m able to see when I log in. Right now there’s no replacement for Instagram in our community as a source of activist news, and it’s also useful for the arts and for global news that media outlets don’t cover. (Al Jazeera is good for some things, and I also listen daily to Means Morning News and the headlines portion of Democracy Now.)
MAPS
I switched from Google Maps to Here We Go. That’s we used on our vacation a couple weeks back and it worked well, both when we had a data connection and when we didn’t.
NOTES
I used Google Keep for years as my note-taking app (very similar to Notes on an iPhone). When we started this process, I switched to UpNote. But then I watched a series of YouTube videos (1, 2, 3, 4) and decided to try paper note-taking again. I’ve done it many times over the years, but I always go back to the convenience of my ever-present phone. I’ve been using paper for about a week. I keep a small Field Notes notebook in my pocket for to-do items, and another for thoughts. It’s working well so far. If I have a more complex thing like a URL that I need access to in multiple places, I use UpNote.
MUSIC
I switched from Spotify to Tidal a while back because Tidal is better for artists. I also listen to a lot of music on vinyl, and buy music directly from artists on Bandcamp (the best digital platform for artists). Soon I’m going to get a portable audio player (akin to an iPod) so I can keep my music separate from my phone and also build an intentional collection on the device. Having access to everything ever recorded is amazing (and teenage me would have died of happiness), but it’s also the case that I know and connect to what I listen to now much less than I did when the records or tapes or cassettes I owned were all I had to listen to. I’ll still be using those digital services for music discovery and for things I can’t find any other way. Those numbered links in the previous item have a lot more on this.
BOOKS
I have a Kindle. Last week I canceled my Amazon account. My Kindle still works, largely because for years I’ve been getting my ebooks from other sources and putting them on my Kindle using a piece of software called Calibre. It’s also possible to transfer them directly without any software because your computer will see your Kindle as a hard drive. There are many places to get books online, both for money and for free. In this day and age, all we’re ever paying for is a license for ebooks anyway, not actual ownership. Those books (and that music) can be edited, or removed from your devices entirely, at any time without your consent or even knowledge. The other day I came across the line: “If buying isn’t owning, then piracy isn’t stealing.” Do with that what you will.
SHOPPING ONLINE VS BIG BOX STORES VS LOCAL
Part of deleting my Amazon account (in addition to ending my support of that awful company) was to bring my focus back to my community. I’m trying to shop local whenever possible, whether that means from actual people who live in my community and make things at a small scale, or whether that just means from physical stores in my community. I still buy groceries at Wegmans because my town doesn’t have a locally owned grocery store. But I also shop at the farmers markets. I buy records and books from local sellers. I eat at non-chain restaurants. And I’m going to try to stop shopping online as much as possible. It’s important to know that we live in capitalism (and most of you reading this live in the United States) so there are times when you can’t avoid the big players. And some folks live in food deserts or have no other store they can get to than a Walmart or Dollar General. So we all just have to do the best we can, and offer grace to folks who don’t have our luxuries.
CASH
I don’t think I’ve regularly used cash since I moved back from Japan in the 90s. I use a debit or credit card for everything. But moving forward, I’m going to pay in cash as much as possible. This reduces fees for merchants, removes tracking from your purchases, and also helps you stick to a budget (if you’re like me and bad with the little money you have).
CONCLUSION
I’m sure there are things I’m forgetting. If you want a good step-by-step guide to a lot of this stuff, this one is excellent. Corporations don’t care about us, except as big veins of data they can mine. Corporations rule everything around us, and that’s only getting worse and worse. Most of us can’t go off the grid, but we can limit our exposure. I hope some of this helps.
One CommentVultures
You can’t leave your house without seeing a vulture.
That’s not even a metaphor, just how it is.
And why not? Vultures eat dead things, decaying things.
Where better to fly than over the United States?
Today at a vigil for Palestine we talked about whether,
in 50 years, this era would be seen as a watershed moment
in the rush toward Gilead, or whether the slow enshittification
of everything would continue, with the goalposts of the illusion
of security moved a little more each year, but never enough
for Americans as a whole to actually, you know, do anything.
There are still shows on TV, there’s still food at the supermarket.
That seems to be all most people need to pretend it’s all OK.
In some cultures vultures represent rebirth.
I know if I looked out my window right now, I’d see one.
Eventually even the black holes will fade.
The universe will die in ice.
What unimagined harbinger
might watch from outside the darkness?
/ / /
3 March 2025
Charlottesville VA
scenes from a Sunday stroll
an old man hunches over
the engine of his minivan
a young woman with two kids
walks slowly toward the park
a bluebird bursts from a bare tree
strafes the grass, disappears
sunspots on the rocks
at the bottom of a slow creek
the sound of the vulture’s wings
reaches us before the sight
it smells slightly of old pine
at the end of the wooded trail
a slim volume in Polish next to
airport reads in the free library
someone changes a bicycle tire
on the front stoop of their house
a hooded figure in a parka
trudges up a slight incline
a person loads their van
with clear plastic boxes of clothing
Herman Melville’s head
peeks above our mailbox
a greeting from our cat
as we come in the front door
/ / /
2 March 2025
Charlottesville VA
the eighties
we listened to Pink Floyd & Rush
Genesis & Yes & King Crimson
Marillion & a-ha & Depeche Mode
we watched Monty Python
& Robin Williams & Red Dwarf
& Big Trouble In Little China
we ordered pizza
bought snacks at Wegmans
stopped at Perkins in the wee hours
we read Watchmen & The Dark Knight Returns
The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy
The Chronicles Of Amber & Tolkien
we played in the marching band
we played in the wind ensemble
we (some of us) played in a rock band
we planned to go to college
we planned to never get married
we couldn’t imagine having kids
we’re not all around anymore
most of us are parents now
most of the rest of it is the same
/ / /
28 February 2025
Charlottesville VA
ambient guitar music for feline escape artists
this morning the cat got out
this afternoon I found him
a guitar winds its way
through the bedroom
the cat sleeps through it
/ / /
27 February 2025
Charlottesville VA
last words before sleep
a fake ocean for company
windows open, warm night
/ / /
26 February 2025
Leave a CommentCircle Pit
We’re packed into L’Anti Bar
while Crachat slams into their last song.
They’re wild, ferocious, loud, glorious.
A room full of hometown fans
jump and smash and sing along.
Then it’s over. During the break
two locals talk to me in English.
They want to know why I’m here
in Québec for a punk show.
They recommend bands and a cool bar
for the after-party, not knowing
I’ll be in bed as soon as the next band is done.
Stephanie and I get closer to the stage.
It’s time for Taxi Girls, the reason we added
hours of extra driving to an already long trip.
They rip into the first song,
leave claw marks on the crowd.
Stephanie weaves even closer,
phone camera as talisman.
I hold our coats, sleeves stuffed with
festival t-shirts, keffiyehs, our hats.
The band starts “The Lion’s Share.”
We belt out the words. I play air guitar
under the coats. Nerd to the core.
After the show we chat with the band,
buy records, get them signed,
walk to our rented apartment
through the frigid night,
slowing down to photograph
queer anarchist graffiti
because we’re queer anarchists.
La musique punk est
le langage universel
de la révolution.
21 February 2025
Québec
Exploration
The music of an oud
dances across the room
as we lie in bed together
at the end of a full day.
We started with tea
in a cafe near the hotel,
then visited an artist friend,
a record store,
and a trans bookstore.
A typical day for us,
no matter where we are.
We followed the St. Lawrence
from Montreal to Québec,
then ate ramen
in a restaurant where the staff
spoke Fraponaise.
Tomorrow it’ll be more records
and books and anarchist shops,
then a punk show at night,
later than we’re usually awake.
The joy of exploring new places
is magnified by doing it with you.
Two brains and two hearts
combining to see and feel more
than either could alone.
/ / /
20 February 2025
Québec