My experience as a stalking victim

Earlier this year I ended a relationship that I never should have been in; it was a mistake and I am fully responsible for my part in it. I tried to end it as cleanly as possible, under the circumstances. Unfortunately, the aftermath of this relationship has now greatly impacted my life, because my former lover has become my stalker.

I’ve never had any experience with being stalked until this year. It’s been a revelation — the amount of psychological harm that can be done by a person who just constantly shows up is more than I’d imagined.

In my case, my stalker is constantly at my job, where I’m the store manager. I work in a private business, but it’s a community gathering space. My stalker is there most days. She sits and watches me while I work. I actually rearranged some of the furniture to make that harder for her to do. But it still happens. And when she talks to people, she usually does it so she can watch me at the same time. She leaves notes for purchases at the counter, and this past week even came up and spoke to me.

My stalker has also befriended several of my employees, some of whom no longer speak to me as a result. She’s slowly made her way through the staff, telling stories about me and becoming part of their social lives. Now many of my employees know about our relationship without my ever having told them. And of course they know only one side of the story.

The combination of her constant presence and her connections with my employees has turned my job from one of my favorite things into a place where I often feel hunted and uncomfortable. I’ve started having panic attacks when she shows up, and I often have to leave the building to take a walk around the block and get myself under control.

I also have to be very careful about the people I’m seen speaking to at work when she’s there, because I’m afraid for them. She’s already begun following and investigating my friends on social media, according to their own accounts. I’ve even seen her watching me on the street when I’m with friends, passing by the same spot multiple times to keep tabs on me.

In this age of social media, we’re all more vulnerable to stalking than ever. My stalker’s Twitter feed, I discovered tonight, contains very little other than comments about me and conversations with the people I know on social media. I didn’t realize this until someone pointed it out. It’s scary to watch my stalker interact with the people I know online, none of whom know about her relationship to me.

Nobody deserves this. Yes, we had a relationship we shouldn’t have had. But that doesn’t mean my life has to now be derailed by this one mentally unbalanced person. I do my best to ignore it, but I live in a small town and I work in an even smaller social community inside that small town. I know I’ve now been demonized in the eyes of some of the people of this community, and I don’t think that’s merited by my behavior. It’s much harder to deal with than I would have thought. I’m working on it, both legally and through mental health resources.

It’s scary.