POEM: Ed, John, Kevin, Mike, Sid & Me

Ed, John, Kevin, Mike, Sid & Me

he stood beside me
(I was five)
dressed in black
white at the throat
when he spoke
others paused to listen
but it was a power
he didn’t abuse
I knew, in that moment
he was who I wanted to be

he stood in front of me
(I was 13)
cream-colored robe
trailing the floor
rubber chicken
in the basket of
his bicycle
which he’d ridden
down the centre aisle
of the church
I knew, in that moment
he was who I wanted to be

he stood across from me
(I was 15)
in the parking lot
at marching band camp
taught me a song by
Genesis (the band, not
the book)
told me he didn’t believe
in the invisible man
I hadn’t realized
that was an option
I knew, in that moment,
he was who I wanted to be

he stood in an alcove
(I was 22)
a statue of burnished wood
incense filling the room
with sandalwood
the temple was dim but
glowed nonetheless
I bowed my head
found my footing
took a deep breath
I knew, in that moment,
he was who I wanted to be

he stood before
the gathered workers
(I was 33)
spoke into a megaphone
salt and pepper beard
close cropped hair
a regular suit, but
that familiar white
at the throat
he led with a quiet fire
told them Jesus
stood on the side
of the worker, not the boss
I knew, in that moment,
he was who I wanted to be

he stands before me now
(I am 44)
a face reflected back
in the steamed mirror
of the upstairs bathroom
he looks older
still has the goatee, but
his cheeks are fuller
he’s taken a long road
to this place
to the comfort of
“I don’t know”
the strength of
“but I know what to do”
I know, in this moment,
who I am and who
I want to be

///

Jason Crane
2 October 2017
State College PA