memories of solitary lunches:
the sound of Eddie Pepitone
the taste of chicken makhani
/ / /
16 January 2023
State College PA
memories of solitary lunches:
the sound of Eddie Pepitone
the taste of chicken makhani
/ / /
16 January 2023
State College PA
An essay written by Hicks shortly before he died. Published after his death by his parents.
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I was born William Melvin Hicks on December 16, 1961 in Valdosta, Georgia. Ugh. Melvin Hicks from Georgia. Yee Har! I already had gotten off to life on the wrong foot. I was always “awake,” I guess you’d say. Some part of me clamoring for new insights and new ways to make the world a better place. All of this came out years down the line, in my multitude of creative interests that are the tools I now bring to the Party. Writing, acting, music, comedy. A deep love of literature and books. Thank God for all the artists who’ve helped me. I’d read these words and off I went – dreaming my own imaginative dreams. Exercising them at will, eventually to form bands, comedy, more bands, movies, anything creative. This is the coin of the realm I use in my words – Vision. On June 16, 1993 I was diagnosed with having “liver cancer that had spread from the pancreas.” One of life’s weirdest and worst jokes imaginable. I’d been making such progress recently in my attitude, my career and realizing my dreams that it just stood me on my head for a while. “Why me!?” I would cry out, and “Why now!?” Well, I know now there may never be any answers to those particular questions, but maybe in telling a little about myself, we can find some other answers to other questions. That might help our way down our own particular paths, towards realizing my dream of New Hope and New Happiness. Amen. I left in love, in laughter, and in truth and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.
I’m at the very start of my time as a stand-up comedian. Ever since I was a kid, stand-up has been sacred to me. I remember in high school spending many weekend nights watching Robin Williams Live At The Met with my friends. That’s what we did while other kids were out drinking. We watching Robin and Monty Python Live At The Hollywood Bowl over and over again, memorizing every line.
I moved to Japan for a year after high school, and watched Fawlty Towers for the first time, thanks to an American friend who loaned it to me. This was Python but angrier, with John Cleese using television to send up and tear down the society around him, sparing no one.
When I got home from Japan in the summer of 1992, the first thing I watched, after a year of seeing very little English-language programming, was George Carlin’s Jammin’ In New York. I can still remember sitting on the couch at my parents’ house in Canandaigua, laughing until I ached. To this day I don’t think I’ve ever laughed at anything as hard as I did at that first viewing of Jammin’. Having spent a year in Japan, I was also starting to think of politics – especially American politics – in a different light, and Carlin’s razor wit and insightful commentary were perfectly aligned with my new understanding. In high school I’d taped battle maps from the Gulf War on my wall. A year later, I was ready for George to tell me that the war had been unjust and racist.
During my brief time in college, I worked at the campus radio station. This was the early 90s, so there was still a decent vinyl collection at the station, including some comedy. I don’t know why, but for some reason I was attracted to a copy of Thank You Masked Man by Lenny Bruce, which was a sort of greatest hits collection of some of his sketches. I don’t think I’d ever heard of Lenny, nor did I realize Carlin’s debt to him. My friend Mike and I played Lenny’s “Captain Whackencracker” sketch on National Smokeout Day, for reasons that will become apparent if you check out the sketch. Then, in a tiny CD and record store in Potsdam, New York, I found a copy of Lenny Bruce’s Berkeley Concert, which Frank Zappa’s record label had released the year before. I bought it, and it changed everything for me.
Whereas Robin Williams’ comedy was mostly about manic energy and creativity, and Carlin’s was a direct examination of the current political scene, Lenny’s comedy, especially by the time of the Berkeley Concert, was an almost postmodern take on the job of the stand-up comedian. Yes, he excoriated those in power, but he spent just as much time with a painstaking examination of the American legal system, and his own battles with it. I listened to the CD dozens of times. By now, I must be in the triple digits. I knew – and know – every word, every pause, every breath, every verbal tick, every crowd reaction. I didn’t know comedy could be like that. I wanted more. I found everything I could get my hands on by Lenny and devoured it all.
Over the years, I’ve done a ton of public speaking. I’ve run for office, worked as a radio DJ, run the bullhorn on picket lines, hosted several poetry series, and just generally spent a ton of time speaking in front of people. I usually try to be funny, and many times over the years people have approached me and said I should be a comedian. I’ve always thanked them politely, but in my head I’ve known that it’s different to be funny in a room of your friends, or when people aren’t expecting it, than it is to be intentionally funny when people have paid you to make them laugh. Other than a couple open mics in the early 2000s, I’ve always stayed away from doing stand-up. It’s too sacred, and I didn’t think I had what it took to make it.
Last year, through a fluke, I ended up as an MC at a comedy club in the small central PA town where I live. I was asked to do it by the owner, who’d seen me MC another event. I figured the stakes were very low, and if not now, when? So I said yes, wrote a few minutes of material, and auditioned. I got the gig.
The job of the MC is straightforward. I go out before the main comedians to warm up the crowd and get them ready for an evening of comedy. I do 5-10 minutes at the top of the show, then introduce the featured comedian. After the feature, depending on the mood of the room, I either do another few minutes or just bring up the headliner. After the headliner, I thank everyone for coming, take care of announcements and raffles, and that’s it.
I’m in my second season now, and this season my partner has often accompanied me to the shows. Seeing this comedy through their eyes has been very instructive. I’ve noticed how often I squirm in my seats as comedians take shots at women and people of various races, sexual orientations and gender identifications. I squirmed last season, too, but being there with someone I love, and who is a member of the LGBTQ community, heightens my discomfort. It’s easy to say why:
Comedy should punch up, not down.
Making fun of gay people, transgender people, women, latin@s, and others is worse than lazy. By which I don’t mean to say that anyone is safe from being the target of a joke. But jokes that come at the expense of people who are already disenfranchised feel, to me, like a waste of stage time. I’ve spent too many years listening to Lenny, Carlin, Maria Bamford, Bill Hicks, Margaret Cho, Richard Pryor, Simon Amstell, Tig Notaro, Hari Kondabolu, Stewart Lee, Eddie Izzard, Janeane Garofalo, Louis CK, W. Kamau Bell … and the list goes on. These are very different comedians, but what unites them in my mind is that they use comedy to point out the things that our society most needs to focus on, and the ways to make our world better. And they do it, not at the expense of the disenfranchised, but in the service of those who most need to spoken for.
I’m not trying to tell anyone what they should find funny. I’m not trying to tell comedians what’s OK to joke about and what isn’t. I’m just saying that for me, in this world we live in, comedy can be a powerful tool of transformation and uplift, as well as being funny. The more I hear people use their time at the mic to belittle and wound, the more I want to fight that with my own comedy. I’m at the very beginning of my comedy road, but I’m trying to write material that I feel good about delivering. I want to get off the stage and be able to look my partner or any audience member in the eye and feel like I used my time well.
For years in my various studios I had just two photographs – Israel “Cachao” Lopez, a Cuban bassist, and Lenny Bruce. Whenever I wrote, I always imagined Lenny watching me, and I always tried to write in a way that would make him proud. I lost that photograph in a move several years ago, but I haven’t lost the image, or the desire.One Comment
I’m probably going to tell this story incorrectly, but this is how I remember it:
When my friends Kevin and Jenn moved back from Scotland to the U.S. in the (early?) 90s, they brought with them a couple cassettes of Ben Elton’s stand-up comedy. I’d never heard of Ben Elton, although I had heard of Blackadder and The Young Ones, two British comedy shows for which he’d written.
These two cassettes, Motormouth and Motorvation, were a revelation. I was already a big fan of stand-up, but I’d never listened to any British comics, and Ben Elton’s left-wing humor was right up my alley. I wore the cassettes out listening to them, memorizing every line.
Sadly, I lost the cassettes in a move, and by the time I looked to order them again, it was very hard to get either album in the U.S. A couple weeks ago, nearly 20 years after losing the originals, I found a vinyl copy of Motormouth online at Vinyl Tap. It arrived in the mail today. I’m listening to it right now. It’s just as funny as I remembered, and I have a huge smile plastered across my face.Leave a Comment
Tonight I’m falling down the YouTube rabbit hole, and I’ve arrived at this lovely clip of Billy Crystal talking about Robin Williams two months after Williams died. Robin Williams was the first comedian I ever loved. He’s why I started watching stand-up.Leave a Comment
A couple weeks ago I auditioned for a job as an MC at Wisecrackers State College. I got the gig, and my debut is this weekend. The MC does 5-10 minutes of stand-up at the start of the show and then goes up again in between the acts. Here’s my schedule:
The featured comedian is John Romanoff and the headliner is Gary DeLena.
Please come out and support me, and also support comedy in State College. Tell a friend, too!
This Norm MacDonald performance is the second stand-up special I ever remember seeing. I saw it in a hotel room on a band trip during my senior year in high school in 1991. About 8 minutes in is a bit about weiner dogs. I’ve quoted this bit many, many times over the years. Tonight I actually saw it for the first time since 1991 and was surprised that I’d come pretty close when repeating it. The whole special is very, very funny. And I enjoyed watching it this way, recorded on a grainy videotape.
By the way, this is first stand-up special I ever saw. My friends and I watched it over and over and over when we were in high school.Leave a Comment
Just to be clear, I’m not a stand-up comedian. Stand-up is sacred to me, and has been ever since I was in my early teens. I listen to stand-up most days, and I go to sleep every night listening to my favorite comics. Over the years, I’ve memorized albums and specials by Lenny Bruce, Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Bill Hicks, and Robin Williams, to name some of my favorites. These people do the hardest thing there is to do in show business, and I count them among my heroes.
I’m not a stand-up comedian.
But tonight, for five minutes, I got the chance to make people laugh. And it felt incredible.
I’ve included the audio from my set so you can hear it. There’s a player at the top of this post so you can stream the audio, and you can also download an mp3 by clicking on the download link. Whether or not you listen, and no matter what you think of it when you do, know that tonight I did something I’ve always dreamed of doing. And not at an open mic, but on stage with real comics who get paid to go on the road and tell jokes. Silly as it might sound, trying to make a room full of the parents of small-town cheerleaders laugh (part of the crowd was there for a fundraiser) was one of the highlights of my life. Huge thanks to Tom Bruce and the staff at Wisecrackers for making me feel welcome. And thanks to my friend Nancy for going with me.
Be sure to check out comedian Mike Stankiewicz. He was the featured comic on the bill tonight and he was very, very funny.19 Comments
Tonight I’ll be doing 4-5 minutes of material at Celebration Hall, 2280 Commercial Blvd. in State College, at around 8:30. Actually, I’m not sure what time I’ll be going up. I’m supposed to be there at 8:30.
I’ve got some notes for my short set, and I’ll just wing it from there. I’m excited!2 Comments
I’ve never had stage fright. I’ve played music and spoken in front of thousands of people, and never once had a single butterfly in my stomach. Being on stage has always just been something that felt natural to me. It felt like where I belonged.
Except for one time.
About 10 or so years ago, I did a few minutes of stand-up comedy at a club in Rochester, NY. It was at an open mic, so the room was full of other wannabe comedians, which is not a particularly good way to put a crowd together. Everyone is nervous and competitive, which keeps the laughter at a minimum.
In any case, those five minutes on stage were the toughest five minutes I ever spent in front of people. Unlike with music or general public speaking, the feedback loop for stand-up can be measured in fractions of a second. You say something you intend to be funny, and people either laugh … or they don’t.
I got a few laughs. I didn’t bomb, but I didn’t kill, either. I did about average.
I think I went back once or twice. I’m not sure why I stopped. Over the years people have told me again and again to do stand-up, but I always say that being funny at parties or as the MC of a poetry open mic is not the same thing at all. Not even a little.
This Saturday, though, I’m giving it another shot. I’ll be doing 4-5 minutes of material at Celebration Hall, 2280 Commercial Blvd. in State College, at around 8:30. If it goes well, I’d like to keep at it. It’s always been a dream of mine, just one I shuffled to the bottom of the deck as life did what life does.
NOTE: As I get ready for this weekend, I’m finding a lot of inspiration in one of my comedy heroes, Bill Hicks, and his 12 principles of comedy.
Oh, and if you want to see comedy done right, watch Louis CK’s new special, which he released yesterday:
And read this, too.7 Comments