I’ll be honest, when my schedule shifted to hosting the morning show and I could no longer do the vigil, I was quietly relieved. Ten months of standing on that street corner every day had taken it out of me. It wasn’t the people yelling obscenities or “Go Israel!” or “Get a job!” or any of the other inanities. It was the daily parade of apathy. People driving by, glancing in our direction or keeping their eyes firmly fixed on the road ahead. The half-smiles, the “it’s all so sad” eyebrows. Ten months of that just … got to me.
So, when my job schedule changed and I had to stop, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders and a pressure ease in my chest. But in the months since August 9, my last day at the vigil, a different weight has settled on me. A different pressure. Both stem from disconnection. From leaving a fight long before it was won. From not seeing those people who made me feel sane and hopeful every day, even in the face of apathy.
Last Monday I went back to the corner of Rugby Ave and Rugby Rd by myself at 3 PM to stand there for an hour and to see what it was like. I made a double-sided sign using two of my old signs – FREE GAZA NOW and YOUR APATHY KILLS KIDS. I realized that from one direction it wasn’t clear what I was talking about, so on Monday night I went and bought new supplies and made a new double-sided sign that said FREE GAZA NOW on both sides. And on Election Day I went back to the corner and tried again. Then on Friday I went to lunch with a friend I’d met at the morning vigil and told her what I was doing. She and her husband joined me that afternoon, along with a passerby who used to occasionally stand with us and just happened to be walking down the road when we were there.
I’m not ready to commit to every day. But Monday and Friday feels manageable. More than that, it feels necessary. It’s not the only thing to do, but it’s a thing to do. It’s a way to force people to look, even for a second. And to force myself to remember, even when it’s so much easier not to. If you want to join me, I’ll be standing on the corner of Rugby Ave and Rugby Rd on Mondays and Fridays from 3-4 PM. Bring a sign. Feel like yourself. Join me. It’s a small thing, but it’s something.
