ifs
we put all the ifs
in a box
buried it out back
under a live oak
it sat there
untouched
for years
until
we opened it
the ifs were gone
replaced
by a when
2013
Auburn, AL
Category: Auburn
China, Maine
it was in 1797 when the Chinese sailors arrived
the land was still part of the Massachusetts Bay Colony
a smattering of farmers and fishermen and trappers
who’d seldom seen a black man or an Indian
let alone these men from who knew where
the sailors didn’t speak English and of course
none of the folks in what would one day be Maine
could speak even a single word of Mandarin or Cantonese
but they used their hands and faces and both sides
little by little, made themselves understood
the Chinese sailors had wanted to circle the world
but they’d thought it was a lot smaller than it turned out to be
they hit some bad weather off Nova Scotia
next thing they knew it was lobster pots on a rocky coast
over time they fit right in — sea people are sea people
and lobster tastes pretty good with hoisin sauce
by 1820, when Maine became a state on its own
there was one town in it with more rice dishes than normal
where everyone knew how to eat with chopsticks
14 May 2013
Auburn AL
Boston
I’m listening to the Yankees because there’s nothing else on
(though to be honest the ads make me feel like I’m home)
this morning I found a poem I’d written for you years ago
I said three years feels like hundreds, you said it feels like minutes
you’re one of those people who’s been on the outskirts of my life
the one time we were together I saw how easy it would be
to jump into the river of you and let it carry me away
I doubt I’m the first person who’s been willing to make the leap
but of course you made sure I stayed safe and dry on shore
I just got back from the doctor, where I found out I gained
ten pounds in the past two weeks, all from stress eating
and now I’m building another raft, looking for another river
13 May 2013
Auburn AL
wall 2
brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick
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brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick
brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick
brick brick brick brick me brick brick brick brick brick
brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick
brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick
brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick
brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick
brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick
12 May 2013
Auburn AL
wall
brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick
brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick
brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick
brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick
brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick
brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick
brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick
brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick
brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick
brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick brick
11 May 2013
Auburn AL
Bonzo
throw a bucket of thunder
down a flight of metal stairs
into a stack of pots and pans
balanced at the top
of a pile of bowling balls
the whole thing topples over
onto a kiddie pool
full of cowbells
then the floor collapses
kit and kaboodle hurtle down
into the chandelier shop
on the level below
that’s the moment when
the walls give way
crumbling inward till
the entire building comes down
in a cacophony of shattering
windows, exploding concrete blocks
screaming metal bars
until finally a spark hits the gas main
and the whole thing blows sky-high
with a wrath-of-God boom
that can be heard for miles
10 May 2013
Auburn, AL
/ / /
This poem was inspired by listening to this:
Leave a Commentdoubt
what if the glass
is not half full
or half empty
or even a glass?
9 May 2013
Auburn AL
Behind The Wall
I’m not gonna lie, some days it’s a bit of a slog. Sitting here, filing one legal document after another. I mean, it’s putting me through grad school, but this wasn’t really what I had in mind for my 30s, you know?
It’s not all bad, though. Our building is on a busy street corner and the whole front is glass. That dark glass that looks almost like a mirror if you’re out on the sidewalk but looks like a tinted window from my desk. My desk faces the window, so I like looking out at all the people walking by. Businessmen going into the restaurant across the street. All the college women and young moms doing yoga above the restaurant. Parents with their high school kids walking around town like they’re in Manhattan or something. Everybody wearing orange and blue.
Yesterday was a good day for people-watching. Especially in the morning, because of this one couple. I saw them coming down the sidewalk, holding hands. He was wearing jeans and a blue-checked button-down shirt. She was in jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt. They looked good together, smiling like everything was brand new. My guess is they’re still at the beginning of things.
Our building is set back from the sidewalk a few feet, and there’s a little overhang supported by a brick wall that’s maybe four feet across. You can stand behind that wall and be off the sidewalk, out of the sun. But of course you’ll be standing right in front of our office windows. They didn’t seem to mind. I saw her pull him behind the brick wall, put her hands behind his neck while he put his around her waist, and then that’s the last I saw of their faces for 10 or 15 minutes. Except every little while he’d pull back, hold her face in his hands and look into her eyes in that way that you know means he’s got it bad. She had her back to me, but my guess is the same look was on her face, too.
Then I heard the church bells across the street, and they must have heard them, too, because they stepped back from one another. I saw him smile at her and take her hand and then they were walking back up the street. After maybe 10 feet I couldn’t see them anymore.
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NOTE: I wrote this poem while listening to this track for the first time. I recommend listening to it while you read the poem.
Lamru
the boat goes up
the boat goes down
and you are here
and I am here
we are here
as the boat goes up
as the boat goes down
you see the sun
you say the sun
I see the moon
I say the moon
we are on the boat
it goes up and down
you wash your bowl
I wash my bowl
there is tea in the pot
there is no tea in the pot
the boat goes up
the boat goes down
you steer the boat
I steer the boat
into the wind
away from the wind
the shore recedes
until it is gone
the boat goes up
the boat goes down
the boat goes up
the boat goes down
the boat goes
the boat
the
8 May 2013
Auburn AL
everything goes in the hat
everything
that time when you were maybe ten
and your lip was bleeding
from where he punched you
put that in
and then when you realized
you’d made a mistake
because you met the person
who should have been the one
that goes in, too
be sure to put in the way
your grandmother got kinder
at the end and how grandpa
was so quiet anyway but even
quieter before he died
and while you’re at it
you’d better include
those first notes
scribbled on notebook paper
that you still keep
in a styrofoam box with
Saran Wrap on top
they’re 25 years old now
but the ink is still fresh
put in the first time you hugged her
really hugged her
you felt it all the way inside
realized the time had come again
oh, and put in the other ones in between
the one who broke your heart
but not until after she’d fixed it
the ones who never quite got there
or for whom you just weren’t enough
once the hat is full
it’s time for the fun part
stick your hand in
whirl everything around
then, without looking
pull something out
let it float up into the sky
like a balloon with a note tied to it
then reach in and let go of something else
eventually you should end up
with just one thing left
the one who made you realize
you could let the rest go
but that you should hold on to her
7 May 2013
Auburn AL
Click the image to see a larger size.
You can listen to this poem using the player above.
begin to make it better
I learned to play “Hey Jude” for her
a song I never liked all that much
mostly because of that part at the end
where they just keep singing one syllable
and it seems to go on forever
when I learned to play it, though
I was forced to read the words carefully
and I realized in 2013 what most people
figured out all the way back in 1968:
they’re fucking gorgeous
the story is that Paul wrote this song
for John’s son when John and his first wife
were splitting up
although in later years Paul changed his story
so who knows what’s true
it doesn’t matter anyway
the point is that the words are about
dropping your defenses
to admit another into your most sacred space
the words are about not letting your insecurity
or your ego or your uncertainty about the future
prevent you from loving and being loved right now
that I learned to play the song
so I could play it for her
feels like exactly the point
for both of us
5 May 2013
Auburn AL
here minus you equals nowhere
when it ended I was on my own
knocking around by myself
in a basement apartment
I enjoyed it
loud or quiet as I wanted
cooking for myself
being alone
or not being alone
it’s been that way ever since
until you
with no warning
upset my apple cart
sent me reeling
now I sit alone
in my suddenly
too-quiet apartment
wondering when you’ll come back
hoping it will be soon
and that you’ll stay
for a long, long time
4 May 2013
Auburn AL
>
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results
the first time she told him
he had to Google it
because he didn’t speak
her native language
so he copied her words
pasted them into the search box
waited for the result
like a scientist in a 50s movie
watching the computer spit out
a series of cards with one word each:
I
AM
FALLING
IN
LOVE
WITH
YOU
he read it a dozen times
two dozen
looked through the next few results
to make sure he had it right
it wasn’t until later
when his cheeks started hurting
that he realized he’d been smiling
for hours and hours
3 May 2012
Auburn AL
great minds
I brought her a leaf
from the same kind of tree
as the one under which
we’d first kissed
I thought she’d be surprised
by my creativity
but when I gave it to her
she started laughing
opened the trunk of her car
pulled out an identical leaf
that’s when I knew
2 May 2013
Auburn AL