phrenological head
the way your forehead protrudes
signals a predilection for sweet tea and guns
while the shallow curve at the back of your skull
indicates a tendency toward gluttony
above your left ear are two bumps usually associated
with the enjoyment of rough sex
however the pronounced guilt bump on your front temple
somewhat mitigates this fetish
there’s an unusual peak at the top of your head
often found in the criminally insane
though the way your browline juts is more commonly seen
in the devoutly religious
the circumference of your skull at the level of your eyes
suggests a below-average intelligence
which, when coupled with the oval shape of your head
almost certainly means a sharp deterioration of the faculties
however, we feel in view of your current position
this can be dealt with in a most discreet manner
all in all, nothing to be worried about
this concludes our examination, Your Holiness
30 May 2013
Auburn AL
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